I contemplated giving up today. It has been on my mind for a week or so. At first, I believed I was reflecting on this decision for the good of my health. I am terrifically busy, I have a lot going on – I am feeling mentally fatigued that is for sure!
I had almost convinced myself that it wasn’t my ‘subby’ at all that was screaming at me. I believed it was the “universe” telling me to slow down, to take a close look at my life and that it was telling me that I needed to quit this extra program! My car was broken into this week, my reuter broke down today and I lost my internet and couldn’t listen to the webinar live, and I almost believed it was the “universe” sending me signals to show me that I am ‘filled up’ with no room for growth at this time!
In other words – my WORLD WITHOUT- is in disarray – and I believed for a split moment that it was because of outer circumstances and I simply dismissed the idea that it could possibly have anything to do with my WORLD WITHIN! I had almost convinced myself it was because I have to work a full time job, that I need to focus on my Registered Holistic Nutritionist Program with much homework/assignments and reading, that I need to keep my home in good order, that I need to exercise and keep my physical fitness going – and that something “has to give” and the thing that was going to give was this —— I almost chose THIS!
Oh My God! Then I received a wonderful email from my Guide (Lorelei) – which said – I haven’t seen any updates from you for a while – are you good? Do you need help! And I contemplated for a split second that I was going to quit —— but my heart filled with emotion – I said to myself – what are you thinking? This isn’t the answer! Thoughts all of our teachings these past few weeks came flying into my mind – QUITTERS NEVER QUIT, THE WORLD WITHIN CREATES THE WORLD WITHOUT, DO IT NOW, I ALWAYS KEEP MY PROMISES, I CAN BE WHAT I WILL TO BE, I AM IN THE FLOW, TODAY I BEGIN A NEW LIFE!!!! and the list goes on an on —- and I realized in that moment – it was when I focus on THESE thoughts that I feel more at ease, I began to feel excitement about myself, my life, my future. I CANNOT AND WILL NOT CHEAT THE GAL IN THE GLASS!
Opinions! Who are We to Impose ours on Others?
Oh my gosh, I can’t tell you how many conversations I had with people in Week 5 where I blatantly imposed my opinion! This was absolutely the most challenging exercise for me. At first I was a bit shocked – as I like to think of myself as open-minded and non-judgmental – and in some cases I am just that! And in other cases, I am astounded by my boldness – in blurting out the “they should ….” and “I can’t believe that they ….” and “you should really ……. ” During the beginning of the week, I was a bit ashamed, and openly confessed to my friends/colleagues that I was meant to be withholding my opinions but seemed to be failing miserably. It saddened me to realize that I wasn’t quite the wonderful, loving, sharing person that my ‘unconscious’ self believed. I was also surprised at the kind of ‘judgment’ that creeped into my thoughts; I found that I sometimes placed judgment on topics or ideas that I truly was not fully knowledgeable; how curious! It allowed me to pause to reflect as I became more awake to my thoughts and to my reactions.
As each day went by, I was able to exercise a bit more control but more importantly I became more ‘aware’ of myself, more aware of my thoughts; I became more accepting, more open-hearted, more generous – and as I found myself in various conversations I mindfully listened and allowed others their thoughts, their feelings around the topics that were being discussed.
I think what I like most about this exercise – is the “resistance” that is released when you don’t find it necessary to impose your opinion or your judgment. I very much enjoyed the feeling of ‘openness’ and ‘sharing’ that was permitted to occur – which seemed to allow a flow of good feeling if that was the direction of the conversation – or to ‘stall’ a flow of negative feeling if that was the conversation.
I was also very pleased as I began to initiate very positive conversations that introduced the idea of positive flow and elevating our vibrations – and introducing the idea that we can all harness more control over our lives and what we attract. I put aside my ‘fear of what others may think’ of some of these wonderful concepts I am learning! Knowledge does not apply itself!
But I cannot become complacent in any of this, this is definitely something that I need to be mindful of for all days and for the rest of my life – but as I continue on this path – it is my hope and plan to replace this very ‘good’ habit with an old one that no longer serves who I am striving to become!
It just keeps building and building – what I am mostly desiring though – that I keep learning and awakening and manifesting – it is a journey of a lifetime!
We are in Week 3 and I can hardly wait for our next steps! From understanding that I have an old “blueprint” and an “old skin that I must shed”, to understanding that everything that happens “without”, comes from “within” – that which is responsible for what we see occurring in our lives today – but also understanding that we are able to control our “other” mind, that mysterious mind of ours that never sleeps – our subconscious – by directing it with our conscious mind, and it is all so very exciting but at the same time overwhelming! At this stage of the game – it is a step at a time! It is putting your all into it all!
I am reading the BPB, the GS, The MK, my DMP and my index cards diligently every day – and I am repeating DO IT NOW as instructed and I am “sitting” as I am being told (which is really, really difficult as my old self continues to resist complete surrender) and though progress may ‘seem’ to be imperceptible some days – on others, something magical happens where you realize you are indeed taking notice and you begin to realize that you are open to change, and you are open to ‘fighting’ and ‘resisting’ those things you have accepted all your life that has kept you from allowing your light to shine!
For me this week – I could actually “feel” when the energy in my body was being interrupted. It was a physical reaction I could “feel” in the very centre of my chest. As each day went by – I started to recognize this “feeling” and I would immediately change and direct my “conscious” thought to think positively and I would concentrate on the condition that I desired at that point in time and the “feeling” would dissipate and be replaced with a sense of calm. And though this may not seem big to some of you – I believe it is the start of something tremendous as I begin to understand how the subconscious mind is responsive to my conscious will —– but bigger yet —— what it is truly sparking in me is my understanding and realization that the unlimited creative power of the universal mind is within the control of the conscious mind (MY conscious mind!).
But I think what I loved most this week – is that I am actually starting to allow myself to look into my heart – and that will be a very long journey for me – as I have “clothed” it and protected it all of my life – to keep it safe – and I am beginning to realize I need to open myself up – to boldly reveal my definite major purpose and share all that I have to give!
I gave it my 110% this week – and I will continue to give it my 110% because I only see great things coming from it! I am just so very excited for me and for all of you who are taking this journey along side me!
Whooooaaaa Nelly! It’s been a roller coaster week – that is for sure! I am embracing both the peaks and the valleys as I know they are a result of lessons being learned and at the same time revealing truths I am intended to observe so I may re-define my beliefs.
My favourite part of this week was when I experienced a very, very brief moment of complete surrender during one of my SITS this week. Now, to understand the significance of this – you need to know that the SITS are soooo challenging for me! I am such a linear thinker, always wanting to be in control, and have always said “I think with my head, and not my heart”. But early in the week I was SITTING and I was doing my best to ‘cancel’ each thought as it emerged in my mind – but I wasn’t very successful. So, I thought to myself – if I am not going to choose the silence or the emptiness then at the very least I should direct my thoughts toward my definite purpose! And for a few seconds the most amazing wave of awesomeness fell over me as my life as I want it to be flashed before me – and I allowed myself to experience that freely – not worrying about how it came to be, or what I needed to do to make it happen. It was the most wonderful feeling that I realize – if I can make that happen once, I can make that happen again and again! (I know this may not have been truly following the exercise to its fullest – but I still feel it was a tremendous breakthrough for me – I felt for a brief moment that perhaps some of that ‘cement’ was chipping away!)
HOWEVER, since that SIT, my SITS have been very difficult. I can only guess that my ‘old blueprint’ is fighting and resisting and fighting and resisting. BUT, I am fighting and resisting right back!
Onwards and upwards as I continue on with my journey to creating a life I love!
Today I start a new life! I am a new woman with a new life.
Today I will begin forming GOOD habits! For GOOD habits are the key to all success.
Today I begin realizing how my “world within” creates my “world without” – that the “world within” are my thoughts and the “world without” is a reflection of those thoughts. All experiences in life are the result of our habitual or predominant mental attitude.
Today I adopt an attitude of abundance; or a positive mental attitude
Today I begin my first lessons to learning how to “master my mind”. By keeping my attention on the things that I want rather than the things that I don’t want, I will condition myself to attain success and achievement.
Today I commit to surrendering myself to the MKMMA, to shed all that has not served me to date and to open my heart and to have faith that I can manifest all those things I desire in my life.
For me, this journey is going to be mostly about creating the confidence, letting go of the doubts and the fears that have enslaved me until now – letting go of that old pattern of thinking that has not even really allowed me to think of my true desires, or to believe in myself. But I know I also need to open myself to loving all and ridding myself of judgment and negative thinking that just serves as a distraction to ‘looking at myself’.
But as they say —- the journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step!
Hello MKMMA Members! I am so excited for our next 26 weeks! We are all about to embark on an incredible journey of personal growth. I look forward to sharing my personal experience and really look forward to reading about others’ journey as well